Hand Me Downs

In this episode of the You Still Have Time podcast, we explore the subject of hand me downs - not in the traditional sense of second hand clothes but as a metaphor for the values, traditions and histories passed down through generations. What do we chose to preserve, what gets lost and how do these choices shape who we are

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:11

Hello and welcome to You Still Have Time. We're your host, I'm Hope. And I'm Harold. And we're calling today's episode Hand Me Downs. What comes to mind when you hear that? We're talking about probably what you thought about, but we're talking about some other things too. We'd like to welcome all of you to this episode. Those of you who are joining us for the first time, hey, hope you like it here. And those of you who've returned, thank you so much. Please continue to follow and like us.

SPEAKER_01: 0:43

Now, as Hope said, this episode is called Hand Me Downs. And we assumed a lot of times that people probably jumped to the conclusion that the clothes that we used to get as kids, you know, if you had brothers and sisters, you were you didn't usually get new clothes, you got their hand-me-downs. That's not exactly what we're talking about here.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06

Yeah, we're talking about both the tangible and intangible things. So of course, families hand down clothing, furniture, jewelry, uh dishes, recipes. Those are all sort of things that uh may have been passed down in in your families. But we're also talking about traditions, we're talking about cultural customs, we're talking about family history.

SPEAKER_01: 1:35

History, right, and those stories that just go down, get passed down from generation to generation.

SPEAKER_00: 1:41

And we came to this topic because I had reconnected with um a longtime friend, and we were just talking, and she started reminiscing about when her daughter was younger and had a sleepover, how she got up in the morning and she made breakfast for the girls. And um, she was making waffles, I believe it was. Gail, if I'm wrong, you'll correct me. Uh and one of the little girls said something to the effect, oh yeah, my mother makes that too. But when Gail questioned her about it, she found out that the little girl said her mother put the waffles in the toaster. And she said to me, Don't we hand things down anymore? Don't we teach our kids how to do certain things? And obviously, um, there is value in doing that, at least we we think so. But everybody is different. So what kinds of things do you hand down? If you hand down anything, what's important? Is it important?

SPEAKER_01: 2:46

We this this conversation really got sort of out of hand between the two of us because there were so many things that we thought about handing down and what should be handed down and why don't we hand things down. One of the things I was talking about, or came up in my mind, was that there's certain skills that as we progress from generation to generation, you no longer need. And I went, let's let's let's say something like we have parents that grew up on the farm and they learned how to go out and kill their own food and prepare it, milk a cow. Milk a cow, you know. What do they would wring a chicken's neck, pluck the feathers? Well, we don't do that anymore.

SPEAKER_00: 3:32

For the most part, we don't because we don't have to. Everything is sort of processed and and done for this. That's not to say that there isn't value in that, but it's just we don't most of us don't live on farms. We're unable to do those kinds of things even if we wanted to.

SPEAKER_01: 3:48

So our parents didn't feel it was necessary to pass those skills down because you don't need them to survive. So I thought, and we came up with the the I guess a consensus that we pass down things that we think it's is important for our children to survive. But how do we decide on what things are necessary?

SPEAKER_00: 4:10

Yeah, you know, we talk, as Harold said, we talk so much about this topic. We talked about Harold, Harold brought up sometimes older people older people complain about how the behavior about the behavior of younger people.

SPEAKER_01: 4:25

I know we've seen parents in stores with younger children and the the kid starts acting out and no, more more than just acting out, using foul language to their parents.

SPEAKER_00: 4:37

Yelling at their parents, um, hitting their parents. Right. And you know, most older people look at that and say, oh my God, we we would have been Yeah, we wouldn't wouldn't even have thought about it. Carred and feathered. We there would be no us talking today if we tried something like that.

SPEAKER_01: 4:56

But there's there's so many other things that I know that I mean when we grew up, there was a s almost a code of behavior. You didn't if there were adults talking in a room, you dare not go in there and butt in. That was not your place. There are things like, I mean, no, my father would not consider himself dressed if he didn't have a hat on.

SPEAKER_00: 5:17

Right. Or calling adults by their first name. That was definitely a no-no. Right. Uh, you know, in my family, we kind of handled it so my mother's friend was aunt this or aunt that or uncle so-and-so, but never, but never by their first name. And and I I can admit that I did not pass that along to my children. I think what happened, and I've given this some thought, uh, when my kids were younger, if someone was older, say they were a friend of my mother's, uh, their grandmothers, they would call them Mrs. So-and-so or Miss So-and-so or Mr. So-and-so. But if they were my peer, they would call them by their first name. And that would never have happened when I was younger.

SPEAKER_01: 6:15

So I guess the question then is if we expect our children and our grandchildren to carry on certain values, at least the ones that we think are important, we have to model that behavior. We can't say one thing and expect a different outcome.

SPEAKER_00: 6:33

Yeah, uh ha Harold brought up the the other point, Harold, that you say, you know, that older people complain about about the language and all of that.

SPEAKER_01: 6:42

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00: 6:43

But who and then we say, oh, their parents didn't didn't train them properly. But there I said, well, their parents are probably our kids.

SPEAKER_01: 6:55

Kids, right.

SPEAKER_00: 6:56

So did our generation not train their kids or did their kids just forget?

SPEAKER_01: 7:01

We at one point this episode was going to be called, Is it our fault? Because I know that again, my parents were a little older than most of my peers' parents, but they had a a strict code of ethics. There was no, you know, well, this sometimes I behave, or sometimes you you did it all the time. You did it all, certain things were expected of you. And and that's the way you behaved. I know for myself, I probably thought that their role their code was a little too strict, so we let up a bit. But even with that in mind, there were still certain key components of behavior that we did not relinquish on.

SPEAKER_00: 7:49

Right. Um so when we were discussing this episode and trying to put together uh you know what we were going to talk about concerning this, we came to the conclusion now, you know we're not making value judgments on anyone. Everybody has to make these decisions for themselves, but we believe that there are certain things that are important to pass down. And those are certain values um telling the truth, being respectful to other people, having a sense of right and wrong. Now, maybe it's not important that a man take off his hat when he enters a a building.

SPEAKER_01: 8:29

True, right.

SPEAKER_00: 8:30

Uh maybe that that doesn't I at least I don't think that it has any real consequence. But certainly being respectful of all people, regardless of age. But I don't think there's anything wrong with showing extra deference to older people who have uh, you know, experiences that you know we will never have.

SPEAKER_01: 8:56

In many in many cultures the the older folks are looked up on, look up at, right? Looked up to. Looked up to. I know it's one of those.

SPEAKER_00: 9:06

One of those prepositions.

SPEAKER_01: 9:08

Yeah. But we seem to have sort of rewritten the the rule book here in the United States. And we didn't we we hasn't we haven't talked about the effects of cult society on culture. Everyone here except for Native Americans came from somewhere else. And we brought certain cultural values, cultural norms to this country. But this idea of an American, the melting pot, sort of melted off some of those values and cultures. And we have we've attempted to become this homogenized America, but we may have lost something in the process.

SPEAKER_00: 9:47

Yeah, I, you know, I I remember, I don't know who it was who talked about not a melting pot, but more like I think the analogy they use with like a salad. Right. Like, like, you know, you have all these different flavors and textures um in one big bowl. And you and you don't have to erase everything that is unique and different about you in order to succeed. I know I have many friends whose whose parents came from Spanish-speaking countries, for example, and they came here uh for a better life and they raised their children, but they they did not encourage their children to speak the language. So I have a lot of friends who, you know, have you know Spanish surnames, and people look at them and have the expectation that they're able to speak Spanish, but unfortunately they're not because their their parents thought it would be better for them to speak English only. And personally, I believe that we lose something when we take those cultural differences away from people. I think the the best thing about America is that you can find so much difference here and and experience so many different things.

SPEAKER_01: 11:11

Along with the culture, discarding your culture, so many of us have lost touch with our history, our family history. Who's your grandfather? Who's your great grandfather? What was their names? Where were they born? What did they do for a living? We know so many of us I can speak from my own experience. I learned more from ancestry about my forefathers and my my grandfathers, great and mothers than I knew from actual meeting them. That's important, especially times like now, where we're going through so many, well, some of us are going through some real tough times. You need to know what your people have already gone through.

SPEAKER_00: 11:54

Right. And I think that that gives you strength, that gives you um perseverance, it it gives you determination. But, you know, for those of you who are listening, do you think it's important to pass certain things down? What do you put emphasis on? You know, every time we do an episode, we ask for your feedback. And on this topic especially, we would really love to hear from you all what do you think is important? Uh what for for you and your family? Is it something cultural? Is it religion? Uh, we know that the number of people who are members of organized religion in in in this country has seen a decline. Uh when I was growing up, there was an expectation that on Sunday morning you went to church. Now, sometimes my parents didn't go to church, but I was expected to go. So um, but but that's just one example. It could be anything. It could be having Thanksgiving dinner at home, using certain china and certain linens, as opposed to going to a restaurant and having Thanksgiving dinner, or not having Thanksgiving dinner at all.

SPEAKER_01: 13:11

This is just a that opening, I guess the opening salvo to this conversation. Um, we're really hoping that you, if you have some ideas, some thoughts about the these topics, please, please write us a note. We read all the notes, even though we never got any. No, I'm sorry. We did get one. One person uh sent us a note, and we and I think he knows who he is. Um but thank you so much for just listening to this. I know we've kind of rambled on. This this is the call you it's hard to believe that this is the culmination of a couple of weeks of note-taking, yes. And ideas, and uh, you probably say we're all over the subject, but it it's just something that we feel very uh seek strongly about. Yeah, yeah, about tradition and about the values and carrying on these traditions. We don't have to carry on, you know, we don't have to go out and kill chickens with our, you know, and and milk cows. But um but when we when we see what's going on in the world today, just know that if you know your history, you're survived. You're here.

SPEAKER_00: 14:24

Yeah. And I think that it's it's something that we all share. So many things divide us. But uh but even if those traditions are different, even if some of the values are different, some of the languages are different, it uh it's something that we all have in common that make that makes us unique and interesting and uh valuable. So yeah, as Harold said, we spend so much time trying to come up with what we were gonna talk about um in this episode. But we would really like to hear from you.

SPEAKER_01: 15:03

Uh we're not these are just our opinions. We're not experts at this, as we say in every episode. This is just what we think. You might say something completely wrong. I mean, we're saying something completely wrong.

SPEAKER_00: 15:17

Yeah, you might say, hey, well, change is natural.

SPEAKER_01: 15:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 15:22

Change is natural.

SPEAKER_01: 15:23

Right. And we don't need those old ways, they just hold us back. Maybe there are things in your past that you don't want to pass down.

SPEAKER_00: 15:30

Yes, and that may be a whole other episode because when we were talking to one of our children over the weekend, she raised the issue of generational trauma. But that's a much deeper subject. And but I think it may be one that's that's worth discussing at some point.

SPEAKER_01: 15:50

What do you think?

SPEAKER_00: 15:52

Yes, what do you think? Please let us know. I'm I'm a a little under the weather. I'm I I have a bit of a cold, so if my voice sounds weird, that's the reason for it. Uh, but yes, let us know. We really do want to hear from you guys. And if you like our podcast, please tell your friends about it. Say, hey, been listening to this interesting podcast, or or this podcast that's so horrible, you had just have to hear it to believe it.

SPEAKER_01: 16:21

So follow us wherever you get your uh podcast. You can leave us a note at info as at info at you still have time podcast at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_00: 16:37

Or you can leave a voice mail a voice message.

SPEAKER_01: 16:41

Right. At Speakpipe. All of the links to these ways of getting in touch with us will be in the notes. Where again, the notes are just below the description of the podcast. Follow us. I think we already said that.

SPEAKER_00: 16:58

Um tell us what you think about this subject. And if you have ideas for future subjects, one of the hardest things for us to do is to come up with interesting things to talk about. So you can help us out. Maybe one day you'll be a guest if you come up with a great idea. We'd love to have somebody. We've only had one guest so far, and we'd love to um we'd love to have others.

SPEAKER_01: 17:22

You could still you can also leave no uh leave messages on our Facebook page. You still have time. So there are a number of ways to reach out to us. I think this is about all. Are we this is this it?

SPEAKER_00: 17:36

Yeah, this is it.

SPEAKER_01: 17:37

Okay, good job.

SPEAKER_00: 17:38

This is it. I yeah, I need to go drink some more hot tea. Uh we hope that you've gotten a little something out of this episode, and we hope that you'll come back. But always remember, what is it? You still have time. You still have time. Take care. See you soon.